It’s Time to Start Asking for Time & Support

Today is my Day 2 of Tiffany Dow’s Freaking Awesome Blog & List Building Challenge. I was going to write about something completely different today, but like many other days, something happened that made me head in a different direction. 🙂

How’s the “Alone” Time Going?

Whether you have your own business or hobbies you enjoy, you realize that they take time… alone time. That means… No kids, no spouse, no errands to run, no to-do list, etc. And I’m guessing that you’re also like most of us nowadays, where alone time is extremely rare and limited. In fact, it typically has to be scheduled time if you have any chance at all of actually getting it.

But then what typically happens?

Way back when my job and my son were my two biggest concerns, I didn’t think about having alone time. If I was with my son, that WAS my alone time. We might be at the park, a baseball game or hanging out at my mom’s. Of course that was also before we had cell phones, laptops, and social media. (Yes, I’m just that old)

After college, life got a bit more hectic. But even though I was working 90+ hours per week, I was also still room mom, Den mom, soccer coach, baseball coach, and the cheering squad on Sundays for bowling. Yet I still felt like I had alone time, because I got to spend mega time with my son.

Should I Work for Them or Me?

In 1999, I started my very first work-from-home business so that I would never have to go back to corporate America. I’d spent five years working 90 hours a week for people who just didn’t care. If it was my son’s birthday I had to miss it… Sorry. If he was running 102° fever and there was no one around to watch him… Sorry. And the final straw? Yes, we realize that you just moved 2,000 miles away from all your family and friends seven months ago and that you just bought a home, based on the fact that he said we could keep you employed, but we just don’t have a new contract for you… Sorry.

Really?! That’s when I decided that if I was going to be working 90 hours a week, I would be doing it for me and my son, not for people who could care less about my life.

Freedom to Build…Freedom to Play… Yay!!

Back then, it really wasn’t that complicated to figure out how to work my business and my son into my life. They WERE my life. My friends and family were back in Illinois and I didn’t know anybody in Arizona so my time was mine to do with as I needed.

For the next five years, I built my business, taught other people how to build theirs, and traveled the world with my son.  When I decided to walk away from that business, we spent the next four years figuring out what else I wanted to do. Finally, when my savings ran out, I still didn’t have a new business going, and I had to get a job.

Choices Made out of Ignorance

Since I was still fairly clueless about what kind of online business I wanted to have or what it took to build one, I was dumb enough to think that I could go play “truck driver” for a while and build my business while I was doing it. I also had NO idea what a trucking job entailed… I just wanted to drive a big truck! And ignorance about both of them was a fast route to disaster.

Since then, I’ve struggled to get a business built. It’s taken a lot longer than I expected to figure out exactly what KIND of online business I’d like to build, let alone figure out the crazy number of technical things that it takes. Top it off with the almost complete lack of time that my job left available to me to build a business and I literally went from “all my time is mine” to “I have 5 minutes free, what can I get done?

During the past few months, I haven’t had a lot of time for my business, but I usually knew ahead of time when it would be available. So I’d plan the things that I wanted to get done. I’d get excited about it. I’d look forward to it. I’d visualize it. Hell, I’d even tell my friends about it! Because it was just that rare.

Then, it would happen. The type of thing that’s happening now… the kind of thing that you have to watch out for when you’re building your own business.

You MUST Set Your Boundaries

Your family and friends have free time available at the same time you do. They’re home with you. They’re off at the same time. They just got the latest gossip from work and they’re dying to tell someone. They have a sick family member and need to run to the store.

And the big one? Because you’re right there in front of them or they know you’re at home rather than at a job, they figure you MUST have time available. So why can’t you chat or go grab lunch, or run an errand, or feed their cat, or babysit for them or…or… feel free to fill in the blank!

Now you may decide that what they’re asking is more important than your hobby or even your business. And that’s certainly a choice you’re going to have to make for yourself on a case-by-case basis. But if you don’t set boundaries and let your friends and family know what they are, or what your work hours are, the interruptions will start coming more and more often. It can get to the point where you’re either putting your hobby on the back burner all together, or your business is becoming your hobby because you just don’t have time to really build it enough to where it’s paying for itself, much less paying for anything else.

My goal is to build a business that replaces my job income initially, and ultimately, surpasses the income that I was earning in my last business. So constant interruptions aren’t an option!

Teach People to Respect Your Boundaries (and That Includes YOU!)

Since I’ve been working the job I have, my sweetheart is used to having me near him and available pretty much 24/7 while we’re working. We were driving team so we were always in the same truck. At any given time (at least while I was awake…and occasionally even when I wasn’t) he could talk to me about work, family, the news or anything else that came to mind.

Then when we got home, he and I would take time for ourselves. For him, that meant time to do whatever he wanted, whether it was working on his car, watching television, or checking out the latest American Idol YouTube videos.

But for me, that meant time with my son. He hadn’t seen me all week so he had news about school, friends, politics, and more to talk with me about. It also meant that laundry from the week had to be washed so we’d be ready to go out again. Groceries had to be shopped for so we’d have food at home and for the next work week. And yes, my guys would help out with all that, but it still took MY time too.

Needless to say, I didn’t have a whole lot of “alone” time left to build my business.

Right now, I’m home for at least the month of March. The goal is to start my niche research packs to create a service income so that I don’t have to go back on a truck, while building my new site that will move me in the direction I want to go over the long term. But guess what? My honey is home too. He’s looking for a new job and has a lot of time on his hands. And since he’s used to having me available whenever he has a question or is looking for something or wants to watch a movie, he’s used to my being available too.

Since we weren’t together during early business days (we met on the job), he hasn’t been “trained” to understand that even though I’m home… I’m not.

And, because I haven’t been used to having time available for a long while, I’ve got some retraining to do of ME too!

That’s right. I’m no longer in the habit of telling people that I don’t have time to talk, that they’ll have to take care of themselves for the next few hours, that I have set working hours, or that I’m not available to chat. And I’m no longer in the habit of making sure that *I* stick to my own schedule either!

No Such Thing As Instant Habits

It would be so cool if we could just let our loved ones (or ourselves for that matter) know that our schedule has changed, and get automatic support from everyone. Of course it would be nice if life was smooth 24/7 too so that even when everyone’s on track, things don’t get thrown off.

Life is what it is… that’s what makes it interesting. Things happen. Life throws curves. People forget. Holidays keep coming. Friends keep calling. How boring or lonely would it be if none of that was going on?!

Let’s Get This Party Started… You Deserve It

It’s time to set up some structure, a schedule, and some boundaries if you want time for your hobbies. It’s DEFINITELY time to get on board if you plan to build a business and work at home full time!

So here’s what I’ll recommend:

• Figure out when you’d like time to work and then write it down. Don’t worry, even if you write it down it’s still flexible.
• Set some goals for yourself. They may be daily, weekly or monthly. I’d start there and then move to longer term goals once you get into a groove.
• Plan a relaxing family dinner to talk to everyone about what your goals are and why you want to make them happen. Be sure to include what it will mean for them as well. And if you have to have several dinners because everyone’s on a different schedule, then do it. It will be worth it once everyone’s on the same page.
• If you’re looking for more than just moral support (maybe you’re asking them to help out with a few extra chores each week so you have the time available), then be sure to explain that to them as well so they’re on board.
• Once you’ve  figured out how all that looks, what your schedule is going to be and you’ve got everyone on board, it’s time to make sure people respect it, including you. If you scheduled time for yourself to do specific tasks, then use the time for that.
• If people in your house or your circle of friends said they’d do something for you, then expect them to get it done and talk to them about it if that’s not happening for whatever reason. Be sure to give them time to adjust to the new schedule too… but be clear on what you want and expect. They deserve the honesty and the chance to follow through on their commitments and you deserve to have the time to get things done the way you planned.

So, get going. You’ve got one life and one chance to live it the way you want! And be sure to let me know if you find it difficult to do, if you get the reactions you expected, or if anything about the process scares you or makes you uncomfortable. For many people, they’ve been so used to being the caretaker that they’ve forgotten how to even ask for help! It’s time to start changing that!

Subscribe to my list so you won’t miss out on any of my subscriber-only specials! And be sure to include your links in the comments below. I use CommentLuv to link to your blog so you can build automatic backlinks that Google will love!